The Importance of Positive Self-Talk in Child Development
Positive self-talk is a powerful tool that can significantly impact a child’s confidence, resilience, and overall well-being. As parents, guiding our children to shift from negative self-talk to positive affirmations is essential for their emotional development and success. In this blog post, we’ll explore practical strategies parents can use to help children aged 6 to 11 cultivate a positive inner dialogue. It’s crucial to create a nurturing and supportive environment where children feel safe to express their thoughts and emotions.
Positive self-talk plays a crucial role in shaping a child’s confidence, resilience, and overall well-being. Research shows that children who engage in positive self-talk are better equipped to handle challenges and setbacks, leading to improved emotional and academic outcomes. According to a study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies, children who use positive self-talk strategies exhibit higher levels of self-esteem and lower levels of anxiety and depression.
Empowering Kids Through Positive Self-Talk
In today’s fast-paced world, children encounter so many challenges and uncertainties. From academic pressures to social conflicts, these stressors can trigger strong emotions and doubts, leading to negative self-talk. As parents, it’s essential to understand the prevalence and impact of negative self-talk on children’s emotional well-being and equip them with the tools to cultivate a positive inner dialogue. In my work I see children as young as 5-years-old who are already very hard on themselves. It’s upsetting to see them calling themselves names, getting angry with themselves when they don’t perform like they think they should, and giving up completely if they don’t quickly grasp a new concept. They’re already developing a self-defeating pattern at such a young age!
Understanding Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk refers to the internal dialogue characterized by self-criticism, doubt, and pessimism. It’s not uncommon for children to internalize negative messages, especially when faced with challenges such as bullying, academic struggles, or social conflicts. These negative thoughts can erode children’s confidence, resilience, and self-esteem over time, impacting their overall well-being and mental health. Recognizing the signs of negative self-talk in children is the first step in addressing this issue and empowering them to cultivate a positive mindset.
The Definition of Positive Self-Talk
Positive self-talk serves as a powerful antidote to negative thoughts, nurturing resilience, and fostering a constructive mindset. At its core, positive self-talk involves reframing negative thoughts, recognizing strengths, and focusing on growth opportunities. By empowering children to approach challenges with confidence and optimism, positive self-talk enhances their problem-solving skills and emotional resilience. Instilling positive self-talk habits early on equips children with essential coping mechanisms to navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and resilience. I created an online course for children based on Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Neuroscience. The first module in the course helps children identify their strengths through a downloadable PDF and a “would you rather” video. The next module helps them to identify an avatar for themselves based on archetypes or personality types. They can create a poster for themselves once they choose an avatar. This serves as a daily reminder of the amazing strengths they possess, helping them to realize that they have the power within them to do anything. I’ve done this activity with many students and they love it. Another module walks kids through creating positive affirmations for themselves.
Benefits of Positive Self-Talk for Children
Encouraging positive self-talk in children yields numerous benefits that extend beyond their immediate emotional well-being. Building resiliency, instilling self-confidence, and empowering children to confront challenges head-on are just a few of the positive outcomes. Positive self-talk also enhances children’s decision-making abilities under stress, fosters self-compassion, and promotes pro-social behavior. By cultivating a positive inner dialogue, children develop a mindset that sets the stage for lifelong success and well-being.
Research has shown that positive self-talk can help children improve problem-solving and decision-making under stress. In addition to increasing self-compassion and cultivating pro-social behavior, positive self-talk has a significant impact on confidence building. It can also help children improve their academic performance, as demonstrated in a recent study that found a positive correlation between positive self-talk and math performance in children with low self-confidence.
Strategies for Teaching Positive Self-Talk
There are two books that I love to read to students. One is The Garden in My Mind: Growing Through Positive Choices, and the other is Catching Thoughts. One of the strategies I teach children is to notice when they start to feel bad. If they have a heaviness in their chest, feel irritated or feel like crying, I coach them to stop immediately to try to notice what they’ve been thinking. I have them imagine putting a big red stop sign in their mind so they can stop the negative loop that was running inside their head. With practice they begin to realize that they were saying negative things to themselves such as “nobody likes me”, “I’m terrible at math”, or “I’m not good at anything”. This method is very effective, for children and adults alike, but it takes time and practice.
Parents play a pivotal role in teaching children positive self-talk. Creating awareness of negative thoughts, engaging in open conversations, and normalizing the recognition of strengths are essential steps in this process. It’s very powerful to model your thinking processes out loud for your child. When you notice that you’re feeling disappointed or are feeling angry, tell your child what is going on in your head. An example might be, “I notice that I’m feeling really irritated right now. I’m trying to concentrate but the house is very noisy. I need you to please turn down the television and I’m going to take a short break. I noticed that I was beginning to think about how angry I’m getting. So I’ll stop, get something to drink and go outside to get some fresh air.”
Parents can also encourage children to focus on effort rather than outcomes, emphasizing the value of perseverance and growth. In elementary schools we focus on “Growth Mindset”. We teach students the “power of yet”. This is a way to help them conceptualize that learning takes time and effort. Mistakes are part of learning and they lead to more success in school. Children who are willing to try new things, grapple with challenging tasks, and understand that may not know how to do something “yet” , will grow and achieve more success.
Real-Life Examples and Applications
Practical examples and real-life applications of positive self-talk illustrate its relevance and effectiveness in children’s lives. From overcoming academic setbacks to navigating social conflicts, positive self-talk equips children with the tools to confront adversity with confidence and resilience. By acknowledging their strengths, reframing negative thoughts, and focusing on growth opportunities, children develop a sense of agency and self-belief that empowers them to thrive in any situation.
For example, if a child faces a difficult math problem, instead of saying “I can’t do this,” they can practice positive self-talk by saying “I’ll give it my best shot” or “I’m capable of figuring this out with effort and perseverance.” By shifting their mindset from self-doubt to self-empowerment, children can approach challenges with confidence and determination. Work with your child to come up with some of these powerful thoughts to replace self-defeating ones. Determine two or three affirmations, write them down, and practice them together.
It’s also very important that children learn skills to regulate themselves. I often work with children who are completely dysregulated; crying, hiding under their desk, tearing up their work. I help them to get calm by getting at their level, lowering my voice and validating their feelings. I might say, for example, “Cody, I see that you’re sad and angry right now and I know that’s really hard. When you feel ready, I’m here to help.” I’ll sit with the child quietly and just wait. When they begin to calm down and look at me, I’ll offer to practice a coping skill with them. I might say, “I have this squishy ball with me. It helps me to feel better, would you like to try it?” Once they are willing to use the squishy ball, I’ll offer to take deep breaths with them. I’ll say, “When I feel sad and angry, I put my hands on my stomach like this, I blow out all my air, and then I take a deep breath in through my nose until I feel my stomach fill up like a balloon. Let’s do it together.” If a child refuses to do any of these steps, I simply say “o.k.” and wait. Once the child’s body is visibly relaxed, I’ll ask them if I can help them with the task they had difficulty with.
Children cannot easily generalize skills that are taught in isolation. In other words, if you read a book about calming down, the child might be able to say, “I’d squeeze a ball and then take deep breaths.” But when the child is in the moment experiencing big emotions, they are unable to use the skills they’ve learned. The brain operates from the amygdala, where there is no reasoning, and they go into “fight, flight or freeze” mode. The brain needs time to recover so the neurons begin firing again in the cerebral cortex, where they can remember and use their coping skills.
Just remember, children need time to learn the skills, practice using them, and eventually a pattern or habit develops so they are able to regulate their emotions. But this process requires lots of repetition and support, along with positive modeling.
When to Seek Professional Support
Despite parental efforts, persistent negative self-talk may indicate underlying mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Some children may have a chemical imbalance. I always call parents and refer children to outside therapy when I see warning signs. Some children present as very sad, they don’t sleep well, they are often irritable or withdrawn, and they seem to view the world through “gray glasses”. Seeking guidance from healthcare providers or mental health professionals ensures comprehensive support for children facing such challenges. With consistent practice and support from parents and professionals, children can harness the transformative power of positive self-talk to thrive emotionally and mentally. You can take this survey to get an idea about whether your child might benefit from receiving therapy.
By prioritizing positive self-talk in their parenting approach, parents can instill lifelong skills that empower children to overcome obstacles, build resilience, and embrace life with confidence and optimism.