Anxiety in children might not always be easy to identify. It’s not just about fearfulness or shyness; there’s a whole spectrum of emotional, physical, and behavioral signs that can indicate a child is struggling.
Emotionally, children dealing with anxiety may appear more sensitive than usual, often crying or becoming upset more easily than their peers. They might express worries about things that seem disproportionate to their actual experiences, or become fixated on ‘what-ifs’ that leave them feeling paralyzed by fear.
On a physical level, anxiety can cause symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, and other unexplained aches and pains. You might also notice restlessness in your child or see them startle more easily. Stress manifests in the body in all kinds of ways. In working with children, I often see tears over things that would otherwise be very minor. Sometimes children avoid new situations or they act out with behaviors that are normally uncharacteristic for them. When a child feels anxious or fearful, their brain goes into their limbic system causing them to descend into fight, flight or freeze. I’ve seen children run from an unexpected change as if they were running for their lives. In that moment they are unable to think clearly and they cannot be reasoned with. They need someone to ensure their safety but to give them space so they don’t feel cornered. Sometimes they also try to fight. An otherwise sweet child might push, scratch, scream and throw things. If this happens, they are not being defiant or misbehaving on purpose; they are completely terrified and don’t have the skills to to manage their emotions.
If your child suffers from anxiety, they may or may not act out. Some children turn inward, becoming more withdrawn and clingy. They may cry more often or avoid participating in events that most children would be excited about. Other children express anxiety through becoming more physical, They may throw tantrums or become aggressive toward others. They may have difficulty getting along with their peers and resist following requests made by adults. It’s easy to assume a child is being naughty, but they may just be afraid and worried. Children’s behavior is always a form of communication. Whether they’re acting out or withdrawing, they are desperately trying to communicate their needs.
Most importantly, look for changes in behavior. Has your child experienced a major change, loss or trauma recently? Sometimes children can be affected very strongly by incidents that was seen as minor by the adults in their lives. Something as minor as a near miss with another car in traffic can trigger some children. Children who are deep thinkers often think of “what-ifs” after something occurs. These thoughts might become obsessive, leading to avoidance of all situations that resemble the initial triggering event.
Recognizing signs of anxiety and changes in your child’s behavior is the beginning. Once you suspect that your child is having feelings of anxiety, comfort them and offer reassurance. However, it’s important to help your child face their fears, because anxiety increases with avoidance. But the good news is that anxiety is very treatable with proper support and sometimes professional treatment. Validating your child’s feelings is a powerful form of support. It’s also very important to convey to your child that you know they have what it takes to overcome their fears and worries. Help your child gradually, with love and support, move closer and closer toward whatever they’ve been avoiding. A word of caution though, if your child’s feelings of anxiety seem to increase, rather than decrease, don’t continue pushing and seek professional help.
I often read stories about anxiety to students. Children enjoy understanding how they feel and why. I highly recommend the book Help Your Dragon Deal with Anxiety. I also really like When Harley Has Anxiety: A Fun CBT Skills Activity Book to Help Manage Worries and Fears.
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The Hidden Indicators: Subtle Symptoms of Anxiety in Kids
Kids don’t always express anxiety in ways we’d expect. In fact, anxiety can be quite the stealth operator, masking itself behind behaviors and symptoms that might not scream ‘anxiety’ to an untrained eye. So, I’m going to walk you through the signs that might help you decode the mystery of your child’s unease.
First off, a child struggling with anxiety might have a hard time staying focused. If you’re noticing more ‘space out’ moments or a drop in grades, it could be a sign. Anxiety can be pretty distracting and kids are no exception. They might also start avoiding activities or foods they used to enjoy, showing changes in appetite or sleep that aren’t typical for them.
Social cues are important, too. When a child begins to withdraw from friends or avoids social scenarios they used to enjoy, it’s a call for closer attention.
Mood swings can also indicate anxiety. If your normally sweet-natured kid suddenly begins throwing tantrums regularly or is often irritable and lashes out, they might be suffering from anxiety. Increased irritability is a common symptom of anxiety in children.
Paying attention to these signs is crucial. They are like puzzle pieces that, when put together, can show a bigger picture of a child’s emotional state. Understanding and acknowledging these symptoms is the stepping stone to empowering your child with the tools they need to manage their anxiety.
Sometimes anxiety can be decreased with a natural supplement. Many parents have found magnesium supplements to be very helpful in calming their children. They can be helpful for anxiety as well as ADHD or OCD. Magnesium is also known to help improve children’s sleep.
Empowerment Through Treatment
As mentioned earlier, anxiety is very treatable. With the right approach, which often includes a combination of therapy, support from loved ones, and sometimes medication, children can learn to manage their anxiety effectively.
When it comes to therapy options, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is considered one of the most effective treatments for childhood anxiety. CBT shines in helping kids understand their fears and develop coping mechanisms to tackle them head-on. Other therapies, like play therapy, can also be powerful, especially for younger children who might struggle to express their feelings verbally.
Professional guidance is crucial, and I’m a firm believer in leveraging expertise. Seeking help from a psychologist or psychiatrist can provide tailored strategies and the assurance that the chosen path is appropriate for your child’s unique situation. Yet, it’s also essential to create a warm, supportive environment at home, where children feel safe to express their worries and work through them.
Many children who undergo therapy for anxiety look back on the experience as one where they gained significant personal insights and learned skills that benefited them well into adulthood. I always tell parents that having an advocate outside the family can help children to feel safe and supported. It’s like having a special friend just for them.
Your role as parents and caregivers isn’t just to provide professional help but also to reinforce the strategies at home. Encourage your children to try out their new coping skills, and be there to patiently guide them, showing understanding and not judgement. Self-help techniques such as mindfulness exercises and controlled breathing can be taught at home to empower children even further. I highly recommend the book Breathe Like a Bear. I also show children fun breathing exercises and coping skills in the online course I created. The course is based on Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Neuroscience research. I teach children through short engaging videos and there are additional videos with activities, as well as downloadable resources. Your child can learn how to recognize and express feelings, identify their strengths, resolve conflicts, calm themselves down, engage in positive self-talk, express themselves through journaling, and more, in just minutes each week. The course is very affordable and you get lifetime access.
Building Courage: Encouraging Children to Face Their Fears
Remember, anxiety doesn’t diminish the potential of your child, and addressing it can open doors to a more confident and resilient future. It might seem counterintuitive, but pushing through those uncomfortable feelings can significantly bolster a child’s belief in their own abilities. This isn’t just about getting through the day; it’s also about equipping kids with tools to thrive.
If you want to support your child’s journey through anxiety, it’s about striking a balance. Offer compassionate backing without escalating their fears. You can always adjust your approach down the road, but the initial support must be consistent and understanding.
You might worry that encouragement could be misconstrued as pressure, but I’m here to help you navigate this. Present challenges to your child in manageable doses. This way, they won’t feel overwhelmed and you’re fostering an environment where they’re likely to succeed, step by step.
Witnessing your child conquer even the smallest hurdle can profoundly increase their self-esteem. Celebrate these achievements, no matter how seemingly insignificant. It’s the accumulation of these small wins that builds a strong foundation of self-efficacy.
By encouraging kids to face their fears, they not only learn how to handle anxiety but also the invaluable skill of overcoming obstacles in general.
Anxiety as a Gateway to Resilience: Teaching Kids to Bounce Back
Anxiety isn’t just a challenge to overcome; it’s a powerful teacher. Every time a child faces their anxiety, they’re building valuable life skills. They’re learning that they can encounter something scary and come out on the other side stronger. When I speak to parents about difficulties children have experienced, I encourage them to change the story from “That was really hard and scary” to “That was hard, but we got through it. We’re so strong!”
I often explain to children and parents that resilience is like a muscle that gets stronger with practice. Encouraging your child to develop coping strategies not only helps with the immediate anxiety but also lays the groundwork for a more resilient adulthood.
I want to encourage you to not worry too much about trying to make everything perfect. Your first attempt doesn’t need to be your last. Just by being there and providing a safe space for your children to express their anxiety, you are already helping them build resilience.
Remember, resilience doesn’t come from avoiding problems. It comes from facing them head-on and learning to cope with the discomfort. That’s the strategy I use with the children I work with, and it has the added bonus of teaching kids the invaluable lesson that they are capable and strong.
I really hope that you and your child find your path through anxiety to a place of confidence and resilience. Thanks for reading, and if you’ve ever wondered how to be the rock your child needs, I trust you now have some tools to start forging that resilience together.