Childhood can be an innocent and exciting time full of possibilities. But kids today are deluged with problems and feelings of hopelessness via social media, the internet, and other forms of technology. Children as young as 5 or 6 are all too aware of school shootings, wars, and other tragedies. The bottom line is that most of our children are deeply worried on some level. They’re concerned about illness (post-Covid), accidents, “bad people” and a multitude of scary things. Don’t get me wrong, kids are still having fun with their friends, enjoying their families, and enjoying life, in general. But I can literally walk into any classroom, choose any student to come paint or draw with me, and discover that they have a lot to be excited about, but they’re also anxious, sad and worried. It always seems to be just below the surface. And believe me, I do not lead them to talk about those things. It’s just that once they sit down with someone who is really interested in them and they have one-on-one attention, they feel safe to talk about their fears.
“76% of public schools reported an increase in concern about students, exhibiting symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and trauma.”
As a school counselor who serves 500 students, I have a lot of concerns about what children are focused on in their thoughts. Even the students who are smiling, achieving, and having fun. Every now and then, a student who seems to “have it all together”, breaks down after facing a challenging or disappointing situation. It’s upsetting to sit with a sobbing child who divulges that they are “never good enough”, “can’t do things right no matter how hard they try”, and are “so tired of trying and messing up because life is just too hard”! I’ve worked with children as young as 6-years-old who have drawn pictures of ways they could kill themselves and have even tried to smother themselves with a pillow or jump from a high place.
Yes, this is disturbing and heart-wrenching to read, but I work with so many children every day and this is the reality. I want to add that I do not work in an inner city or disadvantaged and isolated rural school, I work in a mostly affluent school in a lovely suburban area.
So how do we save our children? What can we do to inoculate them against the complications of this world? More than anything, children need to be heard and learn skills for coping with the challenges of life. You love your children more than life itself, but sometimes, love is not enough to get them through dark times. I am sure that every child who has committed suicide, was deeply loved.
“98% of educators say mental health challenges act as a barrier to children’s education.”
Children have to know how to manage their emotions and how to change dark, defeating thoughts into self-supporting ones. They also need to know how to find help if they do not know how to cope.
We must help our children become emotionally resilient. One major factor that contributes to this is positive self-talk. I once heard a child say ‘I can do this’ with such conviction that it made me think about the immense power of self-belief. This is where positive self-talk for kids comes into play. It’s a simple yet profound practice that can shape the way a child perceives themselves and their capabilities. The use of encouraging words and phrases can become the building blocks for a resilient and confident mindset.
But why does this matter so much? Well, fostering positive self-talk during the developmental years can help kids navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease. It’s like equipping them with an inner compass that points to ‘I am capable’ even during a storm. This tool not only enhances their self-esteem but also fortifies them against the challenges they’ll inevitably face.
Recent studies shed light on this subject, revealing that the type of internal dialogue kids engage in plays a crucial role in their emotional well-being. Kids who practice positive self-talk tend to demonstrate more resilience and adapt better to stress. The language they use with themselves influences how they process emotions, manage anxiety, and interact with others.
Children, much like adults, experience the weight of negative emotions. But children do not have the life experience to know that things usually work out in time. They feel every failure, disappointment, betrayal, and fear as if it were the most difficult thing they’ve ever experienced. Kids need a lot of support with their emotions and they need to be taught that they have the strength to overcome setbacks.
When children learn to reframe their difficult feelings with positive statements, they’re effectively constructing a mental bridge to overcome barriers. It’s about transforming a potential ‘I can’t’ into an ‘I can, and I will.’
Laying the Foundations: Teaching Kids Positive Self-Talk
Every child sets out on the path of personal development, and the words they hear become the narrative of their self-belief. What I want to emphasize is how modeling positive self-talk can reinforce this belief. As a parent, your behavior and language are often mimicked by your children. It’s crucial to demonstrate self-compassion and optimistic dialogue in their presence.
One method is through interactive activities designed to nurture a culture of positive thought. I find activities like ‘The Mirror Exercise,’ where children speak affirmations to their reflection, highly effective. There are also storytelling exercises that involve protagonists overcoming challenges using constructive self-talk, which can inspire similar behavior in kids.
I love to read the story, Catching Thoughts to students. It’s a very uplifting story that helps kids to understand that they have the power to recognize their negative thoughts and transform them into positive ones.
Another great book is A.N.T Annoying Nonsense Thoughts: A Guide to Positive Thinking. This book teaches kids, through a fun fantasy story, that they can identify their “a.n.t.s” and change them to “h.a.w.k.s” (Happy, Awesome, Wonderful, Knowledge).
Another strategy is teaching your child age-appropriate affirmations. For young children, simple and reassuring phrases work best. Teach your child to tell themselves “I can do it” or “I never give up”. Pre-teens, on the other hand, resonate more with language that acknowledges their growing autonomy and self-awareness. ‘”I can handle this” or “I can figure out what to do” for example, empowers them and validates their capability to tackle challenges. I encourage students to choose an affirmation that really resonates with them, write and decorate it, and post it on their bathroom mirror or in their bedroom. It’s important that they practice using their affirmation often so they can retrain their brain to think positively. Negative thoughts create a deep rut in the brain. A new neural connection has to be created through diligent practice.
The impact of these practices cannot be underestimated. Children who regularly engage in positive self-talk are better equipped to face life’s ups and downs with confidence. And as they grow, the principles of positive self-dialogue evolve into a robust, internal support system, allowing them to manage stress and navigate adolescence with greater emotional intelligence.
If you’d like to work with your child to teach them how to regulate their emotions and manage stress and anxiety, the book Self-Regulation Skills Workbook for Kids (8-12) is an excellent resource. Another activity you can do is to play a board game that teaches these skills. Q’s Race to the Top is a wonderful game that kids love to play!
Harnessing Positive Self-Talk: Overcoming Challenges and Setbacks
Children face hurdles daily, whether it’s dealing with a tough math problem or a disagreement with a friend. Yet, it’s how they talk to themselves during these moments that can make all the difference. Positive self-talk can empower them to view challenges as opportunities to learn and grow rather than insurmountable obstacles. This in turn increases their resilience.
When a setback occurs, it can be easy for a child to spiral into a storm of negative thoughts. However, by teaching them to counter such moments with positive affirmations, they can learn to manage their emotions constructively. Phrases like ‘I can figure this out’ or ‘I am strong enough to handle this’ can replace ‘I can’t do it’ or ‘It’s too hard.’
A positive mindset enables kids to navigate their feelings, whether it’s frustration, sadness, or anger, by offering a more balanced perspective. It’s about fostering a mental space where emotional resilience is built, and problem-solving becomes second nature.
I’ve witnessed many children transform their outlook with positive self-talk. A student struggling with reading became more engaged with each supportive self-statement. Another replaced ‘I’m not good at this’ with ‘I’m improving every day,’ changing her approach to learning and boosting her overall performance.
By seeding the habit of positive internal dialogue, along with emotional management skills, we lay the groundwork for kids to step into their teen years with confidence. As they encounter new social dynamics and increased academic pressures, the inner resilience fostered by positive self-talk and stress-management skills will be instrumental.
I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on this subject. Has your child expressed negative dialogue? Does your child struggle to believe in themselves? Was this article helpful? I look forward to hearing from you.