In our world today, we all need to be resilient. When we’re faced with a setback (or sometimes several at once!), we have to find a way to dust ourselves off, get back up and carry on. This incredible ability to bounce back, from really difficult circumstances, does not necessarily come naturally to most of us. It usually comes from facing things that seem insurmoutable. And when you are able to emerge from the flames, so to speak, you gain strength, confidence and wisdom, that help you through the next tough spot.
This is a critical skill. Many of our youth today are feeling hopelessness. They have a difficult time seeing a future for themselves. This is why suicide rates have increased. According to the CDC, the suicide rate among people aged 10–24 remained stable from 2001 through 2007 and then increased 62% from 2007 through 2021 (from 6.8 deaths per 100,000 to 11.0). That’s a large increase!
If you have a young child, in elementary school, or younger, now is the time to teach them the skills they need to be resilient through whatever life brings their way.
In my work as a school counselor, I see kids of every age who give up easily. For some reason, they believe that they should be able to learn new concepts quickly and easily. When they have to try, practice, fail and try again, they give up. I also see many kids who seem to lack basic self-confidence.
In schools, we focus a lot of the concept of “Growth Mindset”. Kids are taught that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process and failure is a catalyst for growth. Being presented with challenging problems enables kids to engage in higher order thinking. When they have to persist in the face of frustration, children have the opportunity to discover their strengths and learn valuable life lessons. When a child learns from a failed science experiment or picks themselves up after a fall on the soccer field, they’re developing resilience.
Take, for example, common adversities like moving to a new school or dealing with conflicts between friends. These experiences, while uncomfortable, are arenas for children to flex their resilience muscles, so to speak. And that doesn’t mean they’re on their own in the struggle. The support they receive while navigating these challenges is just as important as the challenges themselves.
That brings me to the next big thing: the support systems – or as I like to call them, the Pillars of Support. I’m going to cover how the environment around a child, including family, teachers, and community, plays a significant role in nurturing resilience. Sometimes, it’s the quiet encouragement from a parent or a thoughtful lesson from a teacher that plants the seeds of resilience in a child. And with the right combination of support and personal strategies, children can become adept at overcoming adversity.
The Pillars of Support: Nurturing Resilient Children
A supportive family environment acts as a child’s first line of defense against adversity. Family members who demonstrate coping skills in tough times, while offering emotional support, set a strong example. Open communication within the family encourages children to express their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or dismissal. It’s important to model for your child and to help them learn not to shy away from challenging situations. Talk it out when something arises that is difficult. Tell your child stories of times you’ve overcome adversity in your life. Share stories with them about other relatives overcoming tough times as well. This instills a sense of pride in them that they can tap into when they encounter difficulties. It can become your family identity; that you never back down when things get tough!
Having role models who make it very clear that quitting is not an option, is powerful. Educators and mentors play a pivotal role in nurturing resilience as well. Their encouragement, coupled with a safe and inclusive learning environment, can significantly boost a child’s confidence and willingness to face challenges.
Let’s not forget the impact of community involvement. Programs that promote social skills, after-school activities, and access to mental health services contribute to a safety net that many children need. Such resources ensure that children feel valued and understood, not just by their families but by society at large.
Strategies and Tools to Empower Children
When it comes to giving kids the tools they need to face challenges head-on, it’s not just about offering support, it’s also about arming them with practical strategies. I’m going to walk you through some of the most effective ones.
First and foremost, teaching problem-solving skills is key. Help children break down their problems into manageable parts and encourage them to come up with a plan to tackle each piece. This type of approach boosts confidence and gives a sense of control. Many children lack the life experience to see the big picture. They don’t know that the challenge they’re facing right now will pass and, in the grand scheme of things, really isn’t that difficult. Children live in the moment, and whatever is troubling them affects them deeply.
Positive self-talk is one important coping skill that children need to develop. Championing a child to recognize their self-worth and believe in their ability to overcome obstacles can significantly alter their resilience. Replace ‘I can’t’ with ‘I’ll keep trying’ in their vocabulary.
Learning to regulate emotions is another crucial skill. Kids need to know strategies for identifying their emotions and calming themselves down when those emotions are really big and overwhelming. Nurturing this skill in kids means they’re better equipped to understand and manage their emotions, as well as recognize the feelings of others. It’s about teaching them to name their emotions, understand their causes, and find appropriate ways to express them.
Mindfulness exercises are proven to be very effective. Children enjoy learning to be still and quiet, even at a very young age.
Overcoming Specific Adversities: Tailored Approaches
Every child will face their own unique challenges, and that’s why there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to overcoming adversity. It’s important to have tailored strategies in place that can address the specifics of each difficult situation. Let’s explore how we can empower children to overcome some of these specific adversities.
When it comes to bullying, both prevention and response are crucial. Schools and parents can collaborate to teach children about empathy, respect, and the impact of their words and actions. Anti-bullying programs can create safer environments by encouraging bystanders to speak up. If a child is experiencing bullying, it’s essential to act quickly, provide a listening ear and ensure the child knows it’s not their fault. Steps should be taken to address the situation with the school or relevant authorities while reinforcing the child’s self-worth and resilience.
Parental separation or divorce can be a turbulent time for a child. Maintaining open communication is key, allowing children to express their feelings and have their questions answered honestly. Consistency and routine can offer stability, so it’s a good idea to keep daily schedules as regular as possible. Involved parents and caregivers should remind the child that the love for them has not changed, emphasizing security and affection through their actions and words.
Illness or loss are among the toughest adversities for anyone, let alone a child. It’s important to find age-appropriate ways to discuss what’s happening. Children should be allowed to grieve or express their emotions in a supportive environment. Encouraging expression through art, music, or writing can be therapeutic. It’s also beneficial to help them build a network of support among family members, friends, counselors, or support groups designed for children going through similar situations.
There are some really nice children’s books that help kids process the complex emotions. One that I personally love is The Memory Box. Another hearfelt book is You’ll Find Me. This book applies to losing loved ones or losing pets. It encourages the reader to find a way to honor the one they’ve lost. It’s a beautiful story for children who are grieving.
In each adversity, the aim is to not only support the child through the immediate difficulty but to equip them with the resilience to handle future challenges. This foundation of strength and adaptability is an investment in their emotional and psychological well-being for life.
Monitoring Progress and Celebrating Success
Creating a supportive environment includes celebrating both the big and small victories. It could be as simple as acknowledging your child’s effort in trying something new or as grand as commemorating a significant milestone like recovering from a major setback.
Don’t worry too much about looking for monumental improvements overnight. Resilience is often cultivated through consistent, gradual growth, and every child’s pace will be different. Your first attempt doesn’t need to be your last. Remember, you can always tweak your approach as they evolve.
In my opinion, one of the most compelling ways to inspire children is through storytelling. Sharing case studies of children who’ve successfully navigated adversity can open their minds to possibilities and serve as powerful examples of resilience in action.
A wonderful book that I highly recommend is A Kid’s Book About Resilience. It’s a powerful book that will also resonate with adults.
I really hope that you walk away from reading this article with a heart full of encouragement and a mind brimming with strategies to help children triumph over adversity. It’s these moments of overcoming that not only form the bedrock of resilience but also weave the tapestry of their unique, unbreakable spirit.